Never have I ever

thought I'd ever buy a dirndl. And here I am.

celebrities galore

Idris Elba looked hot.
I love Meghan's dress, especially the neckline.
Why are people getting married at all?
German commentators seem unable to pronounce 'Suits' and 'Edinburgh'. It hurts my ears. And yes, I am a snob with regard to this.

While we are all about emancipation and non-conformity nowadays, weddings are still a thing. Complete with ancient formulas. Seems quite weird to me.
But as a spectator, I do find it entertaining.
So, please keep going, royals and celebrities of this world.

Oh, and I am back! While I am still also posting almost daily on instagram, I've really been missing writing the last few weeks. And I am therefore reviving my old blogs. It shall continue as a collection of my random ramblings.

Tara x

9/11

On the 11th September 2001, I flew to France to start my year abroad at a French uni.
The events of 9/11 somehow bypassed me given my limited language skills at the time. And quite possibly my preoccupation with setting up a new life.
Nonetheless, I will always remember where I was on the day.

9/11 now has another meaning, too.
On the 11th September 2017 my mum's funeral took place.
The last months have been eventful and challenging. And despite I knew that death was imminent, it remains surreal that she now really is dead.

too easy, really

recently, I've been encountering a number of people who talk at me. i'm not interested but haven't yet found a way to get myself out of these situations. partly being too polite and not wanting to hurt their feelings. and partly ... well, i'm not yet sure what the other part/s is/are.

now, anyone who knows me in real life, also knows that i like to talk. and i was wondering just how many people feel exactly how i feel with those people when they spent time with me.
of course, i'm pretty confident of my awesome conversational skills and my great storytelling skills.
nonetheless, i feel it's a sign to be more mindful.
more mindful of what i say (you know that rule: is it kind? is it true? is it necessary? dare i admit it: i guess a lot of what i say does not tick those boxes. even if it is rather funny!).
more mindful of how the people i speak to feel and what their needs may be.
more mindful also of why i say what i say.

so much to be mindful about!
how very useful then, that I am reading this book at the moment as part of Megan Winkler's fb bookclub:

just sayin'

motivation to blog is still lacking.
posting on instagram is much quicker.
so, if you miss me - check out my insta account 😎

Menschen 2017 - August 2017

Reminder: Menschen 2017

Giovanni and Michaela - running a beautiful B&B
Michael L, Jens S, Sasha B, Claus B, Ursula R, Thorsten W, Ralf B, Daniela S - new work colleagues
Michael Koch 


January 2017 - 17
February 2017 - 8
March 2017 - 17
April 2017 - 33
May 2017 - 21
June 2017 - 33
July 2017 - 18
August 2017 - 11
New total: 158

This is me

I'm still here! Just currently little motivated to fill this blog.

I got the photos from the recent photo shoot. While mostly looking the same in all of them (and really horrible in others...), there were at least a few I quite liked. I then started to play around with filters - gosh, the amount of time I could waste on applying different effects!
Here are my favourites:

new beginnings

With a delay of a week and a half, I started my new job today. A gentle handover period.
Lots of information to take in, but I am also excited to start something new, something I believe in, too.
And no, I haven't given up on my coaching business at all, that will continue to run in parallel. In the interest of my need for variety this really is a great way forward!

what to say, what to do?

I thought a while about whether or not to post this on here.
But this blog is basically my diary, so it has got to go on here, I feel.

On Thursday 17th August 2017, my mum passed away.

She had been in a hospice for the last four weeks. The night before her 71st birthday (12th August), she fell asleep, never to wake up again. 

These last four weeks have been intense, challenging, sad and nonetheless I am deeply grateful for having been able to experience them the way I did. With friends and a support network there to help my mum as well as by my side. Taking one step at a time.

About 5 years and 3 months ago, she had gotten her first diagnosis. 

I am sure it will take many more weeks for me to process this.

The thought that I will never see her and talk to her again is surreal for now.

*CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE*

Today I will get my photo taken for my new job.
I hate being photographed.
First hurdle was finding an outfit. Pretty ridiculous given the size of my wardrobe - this should have been easy! Especially as it's just a headshot!! But I then realized that a lot of my clothes show off my tattoo - which is great, but I don't want it to feature on the photo.
Another large part of my wardrobe is patterned and my boss had suggested going for something not too 'wild'/busy.
And lastly, I have a lot of black stuff, which I feel is too dark for a pic.
(am I overthinking this???!? - quite possibly)
I eventually settled for one of my favourite dresses. Navy, very simple, I like the neckline.

Next challenge will be producing an authentic smile. I tried the trick of thinking of something that makes me really happy with eyes closed, then opening my eyes. And I looked like an idiot.
I am putting all my trust in the photographer!

Menschen 2017 - July 2017

Reminder: Menschen 2017

UHD Networking evening: Michaela, Jayne, Martina, Petra, Ulrike, Magdalena
Work team meeting: Zacharias, Cornelius, Josef (different generation, different names...- in both 'directions')
Qualitpaten: If only I could remember names... +1
Gwen, Ana, Brigitte, Elisabeth, the priest - Not new people, more of a blast from the past. One of my mum's friends and people from my home town parish who have made a reappearance. I'm counting them in as I am pretty sure I never really talked to them as a kid.
Emily - A's baby daughter 🚼
M - T's girlfriend. Only took a year to meet her - fun evening! And hopefully more to follow.
F - S's kid - having been a super shy kid, I admire all kids who so easily interact with people/adults they only just met!


=18



January 2017 - 17
February 2017 - 8
March 2017 - 17
April 2017 - 33
May 2017 - 21
June 2017 - 33
July 2017 - 18
New total: 147

what's the poking etiquette?

To be honest, I didn't even think the poking feature on Facebook still existed. Until I got poked by three different people recently.
All of whom I haven't spoken to/been in touch with in a while.
Firstly: what's the point?
Secondly: did they poke me by mistake?
Thirdly: why would anyone over the age of 15 still use this feature?

Surely, anyone who wants a reaction from me, has the 30 seconds it takes to send me a private message. At least a 'how are you', maybe?!
Is there an etiquette?
And shouldn't the etiquette be to speak to me in a full sentence instead?

STAY FREAKING OPEN-MINDED!

Ok, one would think that I'd know better by now... But no, I keep doing this thing of picturing what the future will look like. I create various scenarios and convince myself that indeed I am able to predict what will happen.

And then something else happens altogether.
I suppose my brain very much prefers this false sense of predictability.
Let's see how I can work with this going forward.

acceptance

Acceptance is a tough one for me. Or certainly has been. Wishing for things to have been or to be different. Which is of course a futile exercise!
Something I am working on. And I can feel how much of a difference it makes already.
The other learning is of course, that there is no button to press, no switch to flip and everything is different. It's a constant learning process, which includes me 'slipping up' once and again, falling back into old habits. But overall still moving forward.
Painful at times, but that's part of it all, isn't it?

I remember people telling me that the bad stuff is part of it and that without it, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good stuff. And I used to be convinced that there would be another way to live my life.
While I still don't fully agree with the latter (needing the bad stuff to appreciate the good), I do believe that both are part of life and experience. And I shouldn't label it 'good' or 'bad' to begin with.

baby girl

Finally got to meet Emily, A's daughter, born in May. Such a cutie!!!

buggy chocolate from the local delicious chocolate shop

let's go!

Almost a decade ago now, I got myself kitted out with motorcycle clothes: jacket, trousers and helmet. My then boyfriend had a motorcycle. While I find wearing the clothes pretty uncomfortable - feeling like the Michellin man... - I loved the feeling of sitting at the back of his bike!
I never had and still don't have any intention on getting a license myself. Weirdly enough, I would not feel safe. But when I trust the driver, I can totally relax into the experience.

Over the last months I had considered selling the stuff, as it was only taking up space at my parents' house. When a friend invited me to go on a bike tour with him. So, now I have the stuff here with me in Rosenheim and only need to find the time to take him up on the offer! (hoping I still fit into the clothes...)

have faith

I am a notorious over-thinker. Partly cause I like to be prepared. Especially with regard to event management, it made me a great event manager - anticipating what could potentially happen and prepare for it.

Again and again though, I realize that this ability isn't always useful. Sometimes things turn out very differently to what I had anticipated. And with hindsight I can see how I worried needlessly about things that never materialize.

So my lesson learned is:
Reminding myself that I will be able to deal with whatever comes my way.
It might not always be easy, it might be painful. But I know I can do it.
And there is a lot to take away from all the experiences in life.

Piggy time!

For this year's summer outing of the organisation I volunteer for, we went to a nearby farm. To admire the pigs and cows and bunnies and dogs as well as to play games.

I am a highly competitive person. But I am absolute crap when it comes to these sorts of games, or really anything physical. So, despite being the second youngest in a group of mainly pensioners, I sucked big time and managed to come last in most activities. Oh, the shame...

But the cuddly dogs that followed us around as well as the pigs made up for it. Somehow. And we were lucky enough not to get rained on. All in all it was a nice Friday afternoon!

For my dating profile...

I shared the beautiful website gratitudebuddy on here before. 
And here's the message I got yesterday (and no, I didn't write that one myself 😂):

"In conversation, you ask great questions 

(balanced, non-threatening, kind, thought-provoking, fascinating!) 

one of the several reasons people everywhere will enjoy having dinner with you."

I think this is one of my favourites so far. 
Even though it is difficult to pick, cause they have all been pretty awesome.

courage

What does courage mean to you?

It's not a word I associate with myself but interestingly, other people seem to associate it with me and this has shown up on several occasions recently.

I'd say I am a do-er. And I don't like fear holding me back. When I realize that fear of failure or of embarrassing myself (what does that even mean?!) are the only reasons in the way of doing something that I actually want to do, I try to go ahead and do it.

Courage somehow is connected with doing something that feels difficult and scary to do. Overcoming obstacles along the way. Maybe that is why I don't feel courageous. It seems that I might need courage in that one moment when I make a decision to do something - such as moving abroad or resigning from a job - but once I've taken a decision, it just seems natural and I have the faith and intuitive feeling that this is really the only way forward.

Would it change anything for me, if I did consider myself courageous?
I'm not sure.