the dog

With everything going on, I totally neglected our office dog. To be more precise, I deprived myself of doggy-time. But I am back on track and after Lilly was cautious at the start, I think she is recognizing me again. And cuddling her is - at least momentarily - lifting my spirits. Every office should have a dog!

this is not how it should be...

Linking up nicely to my entry about things not being fair, I read another post by Natalie, co-founder of Happier which really resonated with me. And I am determined to remind myself of this. Every day.

It is what it is. And so much of what is in my life is absolutely fucking amazing. Which also leads me to wanting to stop focusing on the bits that I wished were different.

read on FB

'Sie duerfen nicht alles glauben, was Sie denken!'
-Heinz Erhardt (supposedly at least - as googling it, the results that come up are from other people quoting it)

In English:
You mustn't believe everything, you think.

NOT FAIR

I'm sure I've written about this before: I hate unfairness. Or what I perceive as unfair.
Yes, of course, life isn't fair. And I am trying to remind myself that I should not concern myself with others. It's my life that matters.

Nonetheless, I cannot help it. I compare myself. And it annoys and frustrates me that other people 'are getting away' with (what I consider) sub-standard performance.

And then when I calmed myself down, I remind myself that really, I am lucky in so many ways. And the fact that I am able to cope with more and am better at my job is a blessing.

Sounds familiar:

Why strong, brave people aren't afraid to quit :-)

the team and I

While certain aspects of the job didn't quite work out as expected/hoped, one of the things that have surpassed (by far!) my expectations is my relationship with my team. And with every single member of my team. Of course the one thing I was most worried about before my move.

I cannot begin to describe just how much it means to me to get this kind of positive feedback.
It really makes me proud.
I am also working on not getting big headed over it... It's tough though!

pretty boy

Saw the new David Beckham H&M advert on TV today. Such a pretty boy.
<sigh>

the A-team

Since the end of last year, we've been trying to plan a team outing. With everyone being super busy in December, we agreed to move it to the new year instead and the plan was to go tobogganing and staying in a hut over night somewhere in the mountains.

The winter has - fortunately - not been very wintery though and it was doubtful that there would be any snow. So, the plan was changed to going 'Eisstockschiessen' (Bavarian curling) at Zum Ferdinand in Munich followed by dinner. Which made me very happy, cause I was not particularly keen on spending a night in a hut on a mattress. With my colleagues.

Disappointingly, I am not a natural talent... but it was fun even though my team lost (only 6:7, which I feel is an acceptable defeat).

you've gotta eat

Fish 'n chips, Pho and Dim Sum - must haves for any trip to London :-)

most important meal of the day

I don't have breakfast. I haven't had breakfast since I left home, I think. Primarily for practical reasons: any minute I can stay in bed longer, is totally worth it! Secondly, my stomach is used to not having breakfast, so I am not even hungry in the morning.

On the other hand, I love the idea of breakfast! Especially German breakfast, not so much an English fry up... German bread and bread rolls alone are just so yummy! One of my favourite weekend past times is therefore meeting friend for breakfast. And while Rosenheim is a small town, it has many great cafes that do amazing breakfasts (and cake, of course).

only a small selection

if only

I used to spend a considerable amount of time going over things that had happened. Replaying situations in my head and thinking: why didn't I do this differently, why didn't I say this or that instead etc. A futile exercise and one that often filled me with anger, regret or guilt.

I still do that at times, but I like to think that I got much better at accepting what was and moving forward. And realizing that I cannot change the past and try to focus on making changes in the now. That's also what I am trying to instill in my team at work: mistakes happen. I am not happy about it either. But what really matters is to understand what went wrong, take responsibility and work towards not repeating the mistake.

gathering

After the hoodie, I decided to go for this dress which was meant to be very easy. Not sure whether it was my choice of fabric (bought here in Rosenheim! At Karstadt) or (more likely...) my sewing skills. But what was meant to be simple, caused a few issues again. And while it is frustrating, I am also very pleased when it worked out in the end and I have a garment I actually want to wear.

Issues this time:
- the gathering is meant to be created by inserting a piece of elastic. I tried three times and let me tell you: removing a thread is such a pain! I don't know whether I didn't stretch the elastic enough, but the gathering (around the tummy) that was created just didn't show very much at all. In the end, I decided to create the gathering by inserting two threads, and pulled them into the desired gathering and that worked quite well
- the neck facing was super bulky and looked shit. I spent about 10 minutes unpicking the neck facing and managed about 3 stitches during that time. So, I simply cut it off in the end (yes, patience is not my strength. but practical thinking is!). Now that the opening is wider, it shows off the strap of the slipdress I have to wear with it, due to the fabric being a bit see through. But I think I get away with it.

When worn, the tree pattern of the fabric doesn't really show but I think the colours still make it look nice.

think before you speak

Always a good policy to have for a number of reasons. By sharing with other people, I have to ask myself whether I am prepared for their opinions. And while I'd like to think that my own views are independent of other people's views, I am noticing more and more that in certain circumstances, other people's comments influence me more than I'd like them to. It might make me feel suddenly insecure about my own views, it might also make me resent them for their views when they contradict mine or when I perceive them as condescending for example.

I fully appreciate that this is all about ME and not at all about THEM. And let's face it, I am probably one of the worst people, dishing up my views left, right and centre in the spirit of trying to help people.

So, really, I should think more before I speak. In terms of what I want to share but also in terms of letting people speak more and not always forcing my views on them.

read me

I always buy books when in London.
Here's the selection of my recent trip:

Trust by Mike Bullen
A year of marvellous ways by Sarah Winman
Our song by Dani Atkins
The versions of us by Laura Barnett

hoodie up

After a bit of a sewing break, I started back up with this hoodie. Which turned into a bit of a tricky project:

Firstly, I had planned to make a hoodie dress but then realized that the sweatshirt fabric I had bought in Walthamstow, was not wide enough. I worked out that I would just about be able to make the hoodie and only by slightly shortening the sleeves.

Off I went and cut the different parts. A per usual, I didn't think about the sewing process at this stage. I really need to get better at this! Cause, I then realized that I had cut two left sleeves. Argh.... Of course I didn't have enough fabric left to cut another right sleeve. So, I had to shorten the sleeves even further to create one.

Next error: I also cut two left sides of the flipping hoodie. Same problem as above but fortunately, the hoodie had a generous size and I was also able to make one of the left sides into a right side.

Lastly: the buttonholes. I only ever did those in my sewing class two years ago. For once, I took the time to practise on a piece of scrap fabric. Feeling confident, I took to the hoodie. Finished both holes. And then realized that I had put them on the wrong bit. Argh again.

Again, I was lucky though, as I had sewn them onto the bit that folder over, so you cannot see them.

In the end it all worked out and I am actually quite happy with the result:

I am quite pleased with the lace details, too :-)

charmed

The beauty of my job is that I get the luxury of an airport transfer when arriving back from a late flight. After a delayed and bumpy flight, I was so happy my suitcase was already out when I got through passport control and my driver was waiting patiently for me. In addition to being grateful for being safe...

He asked me what my company does, so I said it's an events agency.
And he replied: Oh, then all your colleagues must be as good-looking as you.
Haha, such a charmer (picture a white haired Bavarian in his mid 50s).
And I was like: actually, my colleagues are much better looking even: all blond and tall.
And he says: I can hardly imagine that.

Bless him.
Also turned out that he thought I work for some kind of hostesses service (or escort service??? Who knows...).

Gib mir Stoff(e)

A trip to London has got to include a trip to Walthamstow. 15 minutes at my favourite fabric shop were enough to get 10 metres of beautiful fabric for just £18.50.
Bargain!
And enough for at least five dresses.

where's home?

I had business meetings near London on Monday and Tuesday, so of course I used the opportunity for a weekend in London. Two days in my favourite city are of course way too short. 

But what made me a bit sad was that feeling I had when arriving in town: I felt like a visitor. It did not feel like coming home anymore. 

7.5 months in my new home. Even the client commented that he thought I joined more than a year ago... 7.5 months during which so much happened and so it continues.

And while I am feeling a bit melancholic, I also take it as a good sign, that I feel at home here in Rosenheim, too. And while London might not be home right now, I think it might be home again at some point in the future. But who knows where (and when) I will move to next.

freedom

Never in my life have I felt the need to play a role to impress anyone. And I am realizing more and more how liberating it is. And how much easier to just be myself.
I have no time for the politics going on at work.

After various struggles with my self-worth, many of which dating back to my teenage years, it is refreshing to be able to say and feel now, that it's good to be me, just the way I am. Always room for 'improvement' of course. :-)

fun with meetings

people, politics, language barriers, communication issues
Meetings are so much fun.

Pay attention!

Little advice: when you sign a contract, make sure to read it.
And always worthwhile to remember the key details.

My pleasure.
I realize how valuable my advice is to you out there.
:-)

simples

Finally. Having lost touch with my gut feeling, inner voice or compass, I'm back to being me again. And what seemed strangely impossible, suddenly was very simple. How it should be.

Now that I have taken the decision, which felt overdue but came just at the right time, I am so happy now. Happy and relieved and confident to have made the right decision. 

Hate your job?

The title of today's Tiny Buddha newsletter.

Which reminded me of a quote I read on somebody's tinder profile and really liked:

'I always wonder why birds stay in the same place 

when they can fly anywhere on the earth.

Then I ask myself the same question.'

I suppose fear really is the answer for most. And when you examine that fear more closely, more often than not, it turns out that it does not serve a useful purpose at all.

So: let's all be more daring. With regard to our jobs but also with regard to life in general.

familiar faces

It's a small world for sure.
I arrive at the venue for the leadership training, and see somebody else getting out of their car. I think: maybe this is one of my colleagues - I check to see whether I should wait for them. And realize it's accounting boy! What a lovely surprise on a Monday morning!

We haven't been able to arrange a meet up since he left the company back in mid November - until we meet in a car park by chance.

blinded

I used to make fun of my Mum who generally avoided driving in the dark.
Well, what can I say: I totally get it now!

I attended a training in Feldkirchen the other day, about 27km from Rosenheim. I was quite pleased with myself for getting there with the help of google map on my phone and without stressing out too much along the way. The return journey was another story though... All country, single lanes, mostly with speed limits of 70 or 80km/h, which I mainly stuck to as well. But clearly still driving too slowly for the liking of the car behind me (thank God for a red light in one of the villages I had to pass through...).

Long rows of cars coming from the opposite direction were basically blinding me with their lights. Is that just me? Am I night blind maybe? How do other drivers see under these circumstances?
It's a miracle.

It's also a miracle that I arrived back home safely... Safe to say that I will not be driving in the dark again anytime soon - other than within Rosenheim, where the lights of the city (hahahaha) guide me.

people...

I like people.

And as much as I like people, I also find some people highly annoying. Safe to say that my tolerance for stupidity (as defined by myself) is very low.

And while these people cannot be avoided altogether, I have learned over the years to avoid them whenever possible. A strategy I can highly recommend :-)

PS: Drinking tea unfortunately does not help with back pain.