It took me a while to write yesterday's post. I kept deleting and re-writing bits. And the final version still seems very unfitting, just not right. Like a short mention hidden away in the obituary pages.
There are so many thoughts running through my mind. Sadness about his death. Sadness for his children who will grow up without their Dad. Sadness that his life was taken away from him so early, and he won't see his children and grandchildren grow up.
And then there are all the thoughts that are triggered by death in general:
thoughts about my own death and that of other loved ones. Evaluation of my life - is this really how I want to spend it? Things can be over so quickly and how often do I waste precious time and energy on silly things. Getting annoyed and frustrated at things that really do not matter in the grand scheme of life. And I emerge with all these resolutions of turning my life around. Which are so quickly forgotten and get buried in every day life again.
Maybe I need more patience with myself. Or maybe I just need a kick up the backside to ACTUALLY make these changes.
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