black and white

and everything in between.
I'm fascinated by observing my mood. Which can change from one moment to the next. Going from happy-go-lucky and cheerful to melancholic and sad or furious and agitated or all sorts of other things. This is nothing new. But what has changed is how I deal with it. I recognize that my mood will change again. And that I am not stuck in whatever mood I am in.
I feel it makes living life easier.

more of the same

During my recent shopping urge, I went to buy two new pairs of glasses. My current pair is a few years old and as it was pretty cheap, you can see how the plastic is wearing off. As I really like my current model, I decided to go for a similar design, as I HATE picking out glasses. For once I let the shop assistant assist me, and after we couldn't find anything suitable in the women's section, we ventured into the men's section where we even found two pairs. One budget version and one middle priced, and with a discount on the second pair, I went for it.

Here you go:

old on the left and new in the middle and on the right

broadening my horizon

The second movie I watched in the local cinema (after Ryan in action) was a German movie. Not only that, but a Bavarian comedy. Not what I would usually go to see. But, as my co movie goer had said that meeting people with different film tastes helps to broaden your horizon, I felt that I should give it a chance. And what can I say: it was actually funny! And I could even follow the Bavarian dialogues.

 

light and darkness

handy work

Weather was lovely last weekend. Sunday afternoon, I decided to make the most of it and go for a walk. But then came across my neighbour who was changing his car tyres. So, I decided to change mine also, under his supervision. Shortly after I got my driving licence I attended some kind of car maintenance course for women. As part of that course we also learned how to change a tyre. Which really isn't that difficult but without practice, I felt it was safer for my neighbour to check my work.
Getting my hands dirty can really be fun!

classic Eddie

Edward Scissorhands was on telly the other day.
Still a beautifully sad film. And I still love the cheesy snowflakes scene.

win-win

It's become a bit of a tradition that I place a relatively large order at asos. Only to return the majority of items. Which quite frankly is a win-win: I have the enjoyment of a shopping spree without the financial implications (thanks to free returns).

This one I am keeping:

super comfy sweater material. and please ignore my dirty mirror...

offline

Motivated and full of enthusiasm, I got up to start working at 8:30. And then realized that my internet wasn't working. Nor was my phone. I did the usual switching the router off an on again which usually does the trick. Not this time though. I searched for the manual and the instruction CD and of course found neither... Then decided to go for a little walk to my GP to get a referral to the osteopath. Bought cake on the way home. And eventually my patience (and all the swearing) paid off, and the internet was back on again.
Thanks, o2, for nothing.

and then...

About 4.5 years ago, my Mum got her cancer diagnosis. Despite her not going through with the chemo, she was cancer free for a while. Last year, they detected something that indicated that the cancer might be back but further exams would have been needed to confirm the suspicion. My Mum had decided not to have chemo again so decided not to go for the exams as she felt that the outcome would make no difference.

This year, she's been suffering from pain in her leg for a while which kept getting worse. At first, they thought that she might have a spinal issue but it turns out that the cancer is back and has spread. And it cannot be cured anymore.

She's had meetings with the local palliative care team and the lovely doctor told her that she'd be dead by February next year. The pain will get worse and because the tumor is pressing on a nerve near her spine, the pain will be horrific.

Then they finally had the appointment with the oncologist, who says that it is impossible to make a prediction of her remaining life expectancy. Yes, she might be dead within the next months. Or she might survive for a couple of years or even longer.

She started radiotherapy today. Daily for five weeks in the hope that this will shrink the tumor and thus at least delay the expected pain.

We will all die one day. She's 70.
The prospect of her having to endure terrible pain before the end is just horrific.

what a revelation

I've been watching some Graham Norton episodes on youtube and came across one with Justin Timberlake. And suddenly had this revelation that a guy I recently met somehow reminds me of Justin. Not exactly a lookalike (but some similarity there, too) but his mannerism and facial expression remind me of Justin. Cool, right? And a random post.

stripey

They are all rather squeaky which I hope will disappear quickly upon wearing them.Also not sure the Superstars suit me but as I had them all personalized (and how original I was in doing so...), I'll keep them and see whether I can pull them off.

Nacht der blauen Wunder II

Another year has passed. And I'm not sure how I feel about it...
Rosenheim was organizing once again the Nacht der blauen Wunder. Number of venues had increased from 13 to 15. 5 half hour gigs, starting at 8:30pm, finishing at 1am. Contrary to last year, temperatures were very mild.

We listened to some good music, had a nice chat and I only ran into one of my ex colleagues, of course the one I had also bumped into last year. Small world... The audience was overall relatively old - older than me! And in the last bar, some drunken middle aged men were behaving rather annoyingly. Which - together with the crowds in tiny venues and the noise - reminded me why I don't go clubbing anymore...

o

While my tassimo coffee tasted better than instant coffee, the taste didn't really convince me either. As I don't drink a lot of coffee, I didn't do anything about it though. Until I received an offer for a highly discounted Tchibo coffee machine and as I was in money spending mood, I bought it.
And here it is:

No yet convinced of the coffee quality either though... And very disappointed about the tiny amount of coffee you get from each capsule. But it does look pretty in my kitchen.
#whatreallymatters

head in the clouds

While thinking I am super mindful all the time, life of course shows me again and again that that is not the case. Or I am suffering from early onset dementia.
Today, I went on the sunbed again. I leave the place and fortunately within a couple of minutes I notice that I forgot an envelope with tickets that I had just bought at the place. I return to get it. Then, nearly all the way home, I realize that I also forgot my watch there. Lazy me thought of ways of not having to walk back again. So I try to find their phone number (as I have to walk into town again later this afternoon) - but can't find it. The irony is of course, that I nearly took one of their business cards on my way out. But didn't. So, I walked all the way back and the lady had found my watch and put it away for safe keeping.

I really, really should try to be more present.

new skill

I did my first transcription work this week. Not sure I am best suited for this line of work. By the end of it, I was literally screaming at my laptop... (admittedly that is not particularly unusual).

The ahems and ahs were annoying and much worse when the text was dictated in English (understandably). There were a number of words I couldn't decipher even after various repeats. And in English, he kept using certain expressions which hurt my ears. He for example loves to say 'on the one hand'. But instead of following it with 'on the other hand', it is followed by secondly and thirdly. Meaning he confuses 'on the one hand' with 'firstly'. Also a repetitive pattern was the wrong use of the word 'could' - false friends with the German word 'koennte', and it should have mostly been translated with 'was able to'.

And don't get me wrong: I fully appreciate that people make mistakes and on the whole, I was actually very impressed with the level of English. (And yes, I have now pointed the above out to him - so it's not that I am just moaning ;-))

I got myself thinking

I gave another coaching session yesterday. And it got me thinking. We all know the saying that time is a healer. Usually, at the point when someone tells us that things will get better with time (e.g. heartache or mourning), we simply cannot see it. Or we might logically know that it will indeed get better but don't seem to be able to really take it on board and FEEL it.

Thinking of the smaller things in life that upset and annoy us - what if we would really KNOW at that point in time, that we will have forgotten about it all in just a few hours, days etc. Would that help us change our reaction to it? Why does our brain like to blow things out of proportion? Do we all want drama in our lives? Does it make us feel more alive if we feel that there is stuff going on? Do we maybe prefer the big emotions even if they are fear and anger as opposed to not having any emotions? Or emotions just at a simmering level and not the big, all consuming flames?

kick it

One my friend's sons plays football at a football school. So it happened, that I went to watch them play last weekend. U13 or so, playing against Bayern Munich. It seems doubly disappointing to go into the lead and then to lose. Even when you are expected to lose against that particular team.

Also interesting to see how much the parents get into it. And it reminded me of how agitated I get about stuff, that other people from the outside find very strange. Something I will try to recognize more often when it happens. Cause at the end of the day: who gives a shit?
Using that little trick of extending your time horizon: when I look back at this in a week/month/year or a decade: will it still matter? More often than not, the answer will be: NO, not in the slightest.

Bad Aibling football pitch

1 down, 3 up

I seem to have difficulties with maths these days. My beloved red sneakers, which I bought last year in Barcelona are no longer. I only noticed by coincidence that the sole of both shoes had come loose. Such a pity, as they otherwise still looked ok.

As the Glamour Shopping Week was on, I've been spending literally hours on a number of shopping websites. And eventually placed an order with adidas. Replacing one pair with three. And as I was so excited about the option to personalize my trainers, I won't be able to return any of them either.

As per usual, I can go for weeks without buying anything, and then I have times where I feel the urge to spend my money. In addition to the sneakers, I am also waiting for a new coffee machine, 2 perfums,an asos order and I bought two new pairs of glasses. Whatever makes me happy, right?

back and front of the sole at the top

mentoring

I watched Whiplash the other day. The film won 3 Oscars in 2015. It's about a young drummer who goes to an elite music school where he encounters a teacher who has quite a cruel way of drumming knowledge into his students. To be honest, the story line didn't particularly interest me - but how wrong I was. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

Most viewers, I assume, feel that JK Simmons goes completely overboard with his teaching methods. And I would agree. It did remind me of: "Every action has a good intention" though - which is surely the case. He makes himself believe that only this way of cruelty will lead to truly outstanding performance. And I did ask myself whether the student would have achieved what he did, had he not pushed him like that. Secondly, it's of course scary - but also an old story - how the students did not stand up to him. Them against him - but they were all scared of losing their place.

Lastly, while I am not a jazz lover, I have to say that I did even enjoy the music!

inside the bubble

There's no doubt about the fact that I grew up in a middle class bubble. Often, I focused on what made home different and yes, there was a bit of shit I went through, but overall, it was still a bubble. During my visit last weekend, my brother walked me through the area around the central train station in Frankfurt, full of junkies. I knew that they existed somewhere but I had never actually seen them, let alone so many in one place, with a mass of syringes spread around them. Just as much part of life as the more touristy places.

Japanese garden inside the Bethmanpark, city centre

the Main, the Euro and the opera

timing

It's not secret that I can be very indecisive at times. For several years (!) now, I've been looking for a rose-gold watch. Along the way, I changed my mind, and opted for my black Michael Kors watch last autumn. And finally, I found this model from Skagen, which is now mine. I am especially proud that I managed to adjust the strap all by myself - gotta value the little things, too :-)

Die Netzwelt

And another example of my forgetfulness... or maybe rather my inability to remember names, play titles, stories etc. My brother suggested some culture during my weekend at his. Which of course was an excellent idea. The opera that was on, didn't take his fancy though and I googled for plays in Frankfurt. And suggested two, of which he picked one that is called Die Netzwelt by Jennifer Haley. After my brother had booked the tickets, it dawned on me that this might just be the play The Nether, which I saw in London last year. As the German summary was just as vague as the English one had been, I didn't recognize it instantly.

Having said that, I actually thought it was a great experience to see another version. I recall at the time, that one of the reasons I felt particularly uncomfortable was, because I had convinced a friend to come along, who was training as a play therapist and who is a very sensitive person. At first, she hadn't wanted to come for financial reasons, even when I offered to pay for her ticket. I felt absolutely terrible for having talked her into joining us.

It remains an uncomfortable play but somehow I was able to shake the discomfort, as I already knew how the story would evolve. The actors were incredible and we had amazing views from the front row (in a tiny theatre). The child in the play was played by a young adult actress who did a brilliant job at appearing child-like. While the girl in the London play was indeed still a child, which added to my discomfort for sure.

I also loved the staging: the stage was divided into two spaces. The investigation room, which only had a chair in it. And then behind that, an behind glass, was the virtual world. Very cleverly the glass turned into a mirror when the investigation room was used, which meant that you could see yourself as well as the whole audience, prompting that question of: what would I do? How do I relate to what is going on? Becoming more involved than being a mere spectator.

The play in London took place in a bigger space and I was sitting further back, which of course quite literally changes your perspective.

spoilt

My brother is one if not the most generous person I know and he spoilt me with lots of awesome food:

way to much food at moriki

Teppanyaki at kabuki

and in contrast, my brother's fridge
- that's cheese, by the way...

enlightening

I'm pasty by nature. As a teenager, I occasionally went on the sunbed to achieve a healthier look. And then during my adults years, I stopped going because of its dangers. Now that autumn has truly arrived and the day starts at temperatures as low as 3C, I decided to treat myself to some light. 10 minutes did wonders to cheer and warm me up. There's no danger of turning weirdly artificially brown - not least, as I don't tan easily - but I feel that going once every other week or so for a short period of time will help getting through the cold season.

miscommunication

A boy, about 10-12 years old, waits to be picked up outside the school gates. He is on his mobile phone. His mum calls his name. And he speaks into the phone. The mum calls him again. He speaks into the phone again and gets impatient. I walk past, and realize that his mum is calling for him from about 100 metres away...

Witnessed in Rosenheim today. And yes, I kindly pointed out to him that his mum was on her way ;-)

Such a gentleman

I've been doing ok during the last week in terms of fitness. No, I haven't been to the gym, but I've been doing my back exercises and/or met my target of at least 10,000 steps a day. Nonetheless, I woke up with back pain last night and already worried that I might have to miss my back class again. Fortunately, it was better by the morning and I could go.

I have to say that I am mildly embarrassed how exhausting I find the class... I have no idea how the senior citizens manage to keep up! As is usual with most classes, everyone has their fixed mat in the room, which means, I am next to the only man in the class. And he's such a gentleman. Today we were exercising with so called brasil handtrainers (no, I had never heard of or seen these either). We all went to the front of the room to pick up a pair from a box on the floor. And he picked one up for me. Bearing in mind that I am about half his age and I can (relatively) easily bend down. Maybe a small gesture, but a very sweet one, I thought. Yes, these things do brighten up my day :-)

the halo effect

Ever heard of this? I came across this the other word, and of course stopped to read - not least as I like the word 'halo' so much.

It's not really a surprising concept, but one worth reminding ourselves of. It was coined by Edward Thorndike, a psychologist who first wrote about it in 1920. It describes a cognitive bias in which our overall impression of a person influences how we feel and think about their character. So, if you think somebody is nice, you are more likely to also think he/she is smart/reliable/trustworthy etc. Quite commonly, this happens with people who we find attractive. And vice versa, it can of course work in our favour for example at a job interview: we make an overall pleasant impression and the potential employer is probably more likely to feel that we are also competent and capable for the job in question.