experimenting

The grey nail polish is the latest addition to my collection.
Side by side, I'd still pick the pink though...

easy will do

My car is nearly ready to pass the MOT. I only need to replace some plastic bit at the front. I've been trying to find out whether the previous owner still has the part (which she had ordered last year). As that wasn't going anywhere, I now simply called the SEAT place here in Rosenheim and the part will be delivered tomorrow.
And then my lovelies, my car should even get its new MOT sticker before the end of November.
How wonderful.

is it an avocado situation?

Just the other day, I was - once again - feeling the impatience about my current situation. Without a doubt, I do enjoy not working full time and don't feel ready or inclined to find another full time job just yet. But equally, I am sometimes finding it tough to fill all this free time.

This morning during my usual FB check, I came across a link for a webinar that was taking place within 45 minutes of me reading the post about decision making. A topic I have read and attended classes about before. After a: I'll sign up. No, I won't - I have done enough classes. I settled with 'I'll sign up'. And it was an interesting hour for sure.

The two coaches went through five possible scenarios and I feel I am in the last one: it's an avocado situation. The time simply is not yet ripe to make a decision. No pressure from outside or inside will change that. Some things cannot be forced.

Safe in the knowledge that everything is ok the way it is, and I do not have to wait for that moment in the future - whenever it may be - when I reach clarity about what I want to do next - I can still enjoy the present. Taking off the pressure I mostly put on myself.

Not exactly a totally new revelation but exactly what I needed to remind myself off right now.

baby time

With L travelling over the summer and our diaries clashing since then, it took us five months to the day to arrange another meet up. When I last saw her in June, her baby boy was only a few weeks old and mainly slept peacefully (well, he did move quite a bit in his sleep) in my arms. Five months on and he has grown so much! And was wiggling around a lot still. L was saying how he flirts with everyone around him (like in the supermarket) but her. Such a cutie and what a beautiful smile which seemed to come out of nowhere and for no particular reason.

As he became restless quite quickly, we only had a quick coffee together. But always worth the baby cuddles.

it's not me

I tend to reply quickly to messages including work emails. Always have done. Not only out of courtesy but also because a massive inbox would stress me out enormously. As a consequence, I of course have a subconscious expectations that others operate in the same way. The argument being: surely you have a few seconds to reply to me. Even if it's sending a holding note. So, when people/friends don't, I immediately relate it to myself. Cause the only times that I take my time with responding there is always a personal reason. Well, mostly anyway. And despite rationally knowing that people are different and operate differently, I keep falling into the trap of assuming everyone is like me (wishful thinking! ;-)).

And that's one of the things I really appreciate about my friend S. She reminds me in no uncertain terms to re-think my thinking. It's not (necessarily) anything to do with me. If something is important to me, I should simply send another message. Otherwise just accept that everyone has a life they are getting on with and not jump to conclusions about what that might or might not say about my relationship with that person.

It's all good.

double trouble

Yesterday I visited an ex colleague. She has 3 year old twins and a 5 year old. The older one was at kindergarden (they went to the theatre - the benefits of living in a big city!) while the twins were home while we were having brunch.

What can I say? First of all I could not tell them apart. Secondly, they were not big fans of me. I wasn't allowed to help her with her seat belt, not even to open the car door and just got a growling look. Thirdly, I have no idea how my friend does it. She seems to be patience impersonated. The kids slightly flooded their toilet, smeared lots of honey all over a bread roll to then not eat any of it but place the roll on the table, with honey dripping everywhere. The day before, one of them had slipped while running around and hit her head on the sofa table, leaving a little hole on her head.

On the upside, they spent the majority of time playing with each other but quite frankly it made me a little nervous whenever they were out of sight... Apparently the other day, the three of them cooked up a delicious soup, emptying all the spices from the cupboard, mixing them with milk and cream. Yummy and a little expensive.

Most of all though, it was heartwarming to see her interact with her kids in such a loving and caring way. She told me about a friend whose child is severely disabled and needs looking after constantly. And yes, I am sure that puts things into perspective and makes you appreciate being healthy instead of taking it for granted.

have a little faith

Once more it goes to show that really I shouldn't waste my energy and time trying to work out potential issues. As it turns out my car is ready to be picked up already (I was told they'd need until next Friday). One issue still needs to be resolved but I can drive again.
<big sigh of relief>

delicious cookies

A new Vietnamese restaurant opened in Rosenheim. Lovely company (even if the restaurant was otherwise pretty empty), yummy food and so much truth in the fortune cookie! ;-)

it's all about the perspective

The other day somebody told me that I mustn't be so negative. Interestingly, it turned out that the person had felt that I had been negative with regard to her objectives in life (which I hadn't).
When  I mentioned it to somebody else, she said: I can't believe it. You are one of the most positive people I know!

Personally, I think I am somewhere in between. Depending on the matter at hand, as well as my mood. More often than not, I do see myself on the more positive side though. Which is a considerable change from my younger self. I will never forget a round of therapy (a board game) where my question was: How pessimistic do you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10. In the game, you win a point, if your own assessment matches that of the other player, who happened to be my then best friend. And of course we both scored myself a 10...
To which my teacher (it was at a school retreat) said: Why is that? You have no reason to be so pessimistic.

Also an interesting reaction from somebody who knew fuck all about me. One would have thought, she might take this as an opportunity to find out from me what was going in (in private). Instead she went to speak to my maths teacher, who then asked me to stay behind in class one day and asked whether everything was ok. For a very short moment, I did consider confiding in him. But decided not to, and simply said everything was fine. Quite a few times, did I think about that decision and somehow regretted it. But more because I wanted his attention rather than feeling the need to share something with him.

Once the gates had opened, a few years later, I would tell my story to just anyone - whether or not they wanted to listen to it. I wonder what people thought about me back then...

car-less

My car is at the garage now. And likely to stay there for at least a week. Possibly longer depending how long it takes for a part to get delivered. Now, I really don't use my car a lot. But I do need it to get to my Pilates class. I don't like cycling in the dark. Well, I have until next Tuesday to figure it out...

new

As my beloved pair of ankle boots are starting to look a bit tatty, I of course had to buy a new pair. And also cause shopping makes me happy. Not my usual style, I'd say, but I fell in love when I first spotted them online.

the regularity of ups and downs

It's quite comical in a way. After an amazing weekend, my car didn't pass the MOT today and I had another unpleasant (well, I spent most of the time - 45 minutes  -  on hold) with the fuckers (excuse my language...) of o2 customer service. Ending with her hanging up on me after they repeatedly accused me of not cooperating with them on my broken internet. Lovely how the blame gets passed onto the customer.

After about 10 minutes with a pulse of beyond 200, I calmed myself down, safe also in the knowledge that karma will kick Ms Bitchface's ass for sure. In unexpected ways quite possible but nonetheless.

The beauty of life with its ups and downs - lol


PS: On reflection, Ms Bitchface is punished already. She works in a call centre after all...

let the cleaning begin

One of the exercises we did during the NLP course was about establishing steps towards reaching a behavioural goal. Starting 'small', my goal was to clean and tidy my flat more regularly (or at all...). Looking at it from the 'meta-level', it became all very obvious and for once I feel optimistic, that I can actually implement my steps. I appreciate that this is a given for most people and it's not that I am a messy either. But there is a lot of room for improvement...

As part of the exercise, you identify the resources you need to accomplish your goal. You 'anchor' a resource for each step by reminding yourself of an occasion where you already used that resource successfully. What a wonderful way to acknowledge the resources one has!

I shall keep you posted how it goes.

blast from another lifetime

My NLP Practitioner course started this weekend. And it was absolutely amazing. The group is fantastic, learning was fun and fascinating and I learned a lot about myself, too. And left feeling very happy.

But the biggest surprise came when J walked in, who I went to secondary school with. We were in the same class for four years or so, before he went to another school and we didn't have much (anything...) to do with each other. It was so weird to see him (he still looks the same! Well, he didn't have a beard at the age of 10....) after 24 years or so. I have to admit that it threw me at first. Not because of him but because of the memories I have of that time. But we had a lovely chat over dinner and I'm excited that he has reappeared in my life.

What a month November is turning out to be. I am starting to really like 'surrendering' :-)

what can I say

So, my internet is back and to celebrate I skyped A for three hours last night. How I missed that! Skype really is a great invention and while being far away, it's awesome to at least be able to chat.

Otherwise, stuff has been happening but I am not really sure what to write about really. I've been sewing quite a bit again (all that time freed up by not having internet) and am about to finish my first and also second coat. Oh, and most excitingly, I finally unwrapped the overlock machine I got as a present nearly a year ago. And have simply fallen in love with it! Yes, those are things that get me excited :-)

I quit one of my jobs but got a new contract for the other - it all works out naturally, doesn't it?

I've been meeting up with friends which has made me a lot happier and 'balanced' again. Which of course is quite ironic, given that I had decided to 'let go' and re-learn to enjoy my own company again during the month of November. As somebody said to me the other day: I should try to live by what I coach. And he certainly has a point.
I do wonder what happened to me over the last few months. Where did all that negativity come from? And despite being aware of behaving a way I didn't want to, I seemed unable to snap out of my moan-iness.

Whatever the reason may have been, I feel I'm back to my 'normal' self again. Which is great. And part of my learnings of the last few years, is to accept that things might not always be hunky-dory and that it is also ok for me to be in shit mood once in a while.

So, there you go. A random blogpost. I shall try to write about more interesting stuff again soon...

Before and after the overlock-treatment

guarded celebrations

I don't want to jinx this... But after three weeks, I finally received a new router and am back online.
Only to go offline again after a few minutes. Which a simple off and on action resolved though. Please have all fingers crossed, that I am sorted for a while now!

a glimmer of hope

o2 finally called me back! And after having to do a third reset of my router (and failing for the third time), the nice tech guy finally agreed to send me a new router. Cause the good news is, that the telekom connection is working just fine. He was babbling some bullshit when I questioned why it took them three weeks to get to this point but hey.

Please have all your fingers crossed for the router to arrive asap and for it to fix the problem.
Cause then I will also be able to blog about much more interesting stuff again! And thus we all would win.

fuck technology

My internet is still not working. After more than two weeks. 

The things that really stress me out...

the miracle of sleep

I've been having difficulties sleeping through the night for a little while. My hypnose/meditation app that usually sends me to sleep in no time wasn't working either. I couldn't figure out what the issue was but with my current working hours, it didn't really matter all that much.

For the last few days, I've been sleeping really well again. Only that I am also dreaming again and am able to remember my dreams vividly when I wake up, too. Which hadn't been the case recently either. Some of these dreams are just random, others a bit disturbing.

The mind really is an interesting thing.

Cavewoman

After watching Caveman in January, Cavewoman was in town for just one night on Sunday. Without even realizing it, we went for Sushi again - just like last time - awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Unless last time, I found it entertaining enough but not really as funny. I felt that the main male stereotypes she was referring to were really a bit outdated. Men who can't do the shopping without female instructions, who leave all their clothes lying around and who don't know how to pleasure a woman in bed? Sure, it can happen, but (from my little experience) it's not the norm, I'd say. And if those really are the only reasons that conflict arises in relationships, they would be solved relatively easily, no?

Nonetheless, I was happy to be out (in the freezing cold, too...). And also caught up with gossip from my old workplace.

And I will leave you with some insight into small town living: it offers the luxury to park your car however and wherever you want. Safe in the knowledge that police won't be checking on a Sunday evening. Note the irony that the car is right outside a driving school...

Chiemsee the X-th

I don’t think there is anything else left to say. It’s a beautiful place no matter how many times I visit and despite already having a gazillion photos, I always take some more J

See also:
Here
Here
Here

Munich - once more

Since living in Bavaria, I primarily have been to Munich when a) I had visitors or b) I was meeting up with people. Primarily because of the price to get there, I don’t usually bother. I feel that this last tourist tour was my best yet.

First off, we wanted to check out the World’s biggest eye contact experiment 2016, which was taking place on Odeonsplatz. I had come across this on facebook: the organizers aim to bring people closer together and enable a human connection. When we arrived about 10 minutes before it was due to start, it was all a rather sad affair though with basically noone but the organizers there, who were being questioned by police... So, we decided to skip gazing into strangers’ eyes.

After the obligatory visit of the Frauenkirche and taking pics of the devil’s footstep, on we went up St Peter’s to enjoy the views over foggy Munich. I will admit that the lack of an elevator had so far put me off going up the tower. But in the end it didn’t turn out to be as bad as expected. Partly, cause we had to frequently pause to let other people squeeze past us on their way down.

Via a short stroll over the Viktualienmarkt, we then had pork roast at Zwickl. And due to a misunderstanding, S ended having her soup after her main – why not... Next up was the Stadtmuseum (townmuseum), which I couldn’t even find in my guide book but which hosted a photo exhibition S had googled. And the museum was a real jewel. Check out their quirky puppet section!

Afterwards, we checked out the surfers at the Eisbachwelle – something I never get tired of ;-) Followed by a stroll through the Englischer Garten. And all finished off with a train journey back to Rosenheim in the presence of a super drunk and super obnoxious group of middle aged hiking club...

Further proof of my lack of strength (if you can't decipher it: it says housewife...)
I wonder what play these puppets featured in - are there any that take place in a brothel?
And lastly a Miro puppet

the golden era

I am loving autumn this year. The red and golden leaves glistening in the sun and we even had some warm days, too.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the Hechtsee near Kufstein/Austria with friends. And it was just beautiful. And B, my friend's 4 year old son is such a cutie!

next and next

After I did my back in cutting the fabric for my coat, I took a little sewing break. Which ended last week, when I finally completed a dress that only needed to be hemmed.
It's a variation of this one but without the collar and with added lining, which unfortunately means I need to lose weight for it to fit... Alternatively I could try holding my tummy in and never breathe. I'll let you know how that goes!

And since that was completed relatively quickly, I also went ahead with yet a third version of the dress, this time without collar but with sleeves. And no zip. Yes, I am lazy and as the fabric is stretchy, I figured it wasn't needed. And as I didn't take into account the seam allowance included for the insertion of the zip, the dress fits nicely (as opposed to the too tight second version). Don't you just love when things work out this way?

I especially love the straight neckline and V-back

it's official

I have a photo face. Not to be confused with somebody who is photogenic... But it means that I only know how to make ONE face when being photographed. Not a particularly pretty face either. This of course explains why I shall never work as a model :-(

Look around

What a silly and ungrateful b*tch I can sometimes be... After boring literally everyone around me with my constant moaning, I really hope that I can now move on from that. Let’s face it: life is awesome and I am incredibly lucky to have so many awesome human beings in my life. Yes, they are mostly far away but surely that is a small detail that should not distract from the fact that they are still part of my life.

And here are some impressions of Bavaria. The added bonus of having visitors is of course to revisit the beautiful places around me. I think it was my third time up the Wendelstein and I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of the stunning views. For the first time the panorama path was open (it had been snowy the other two times I’ve been up), so I also got to discover different views on the trip. It’s hard to put into words, but there was this strong feeling of being content and wanting to just hug the whole world. As if only happiness was flowing through me.

signs

Through my life coach, I came across Allison Crow. I had only listened to maybe a couple of her sessions on facebook, when yesterday I got an alert on my phone that she was live. Following my instinct, I tuned in. She was pulling cards today. She offered to pull an 'I am' card for anyone listening. Now, not only do I know nothing about cards, nor am I sure I believe in it, nor do I usually participate in these kind of things - I am more of the listener, standing on the sidelines but something made me type in my name in the comment box. And she pulled: 'I am surrender'.

At first, the word had rather negative connotations for me (no wonder, given my control freak tendencies!). But the more I thought about it, the more I thought how fitting it really was. Here's something I found about surrendering:
"...In order to attract what you want, you must give the Universe space to deliver your request. This can only be achieved by getting out of the way so that everything can unfold as it should. It is not your job to 'make' it happen; it is simply your job to allow it to happen."

It's no secret that I have issues with giving up control. And in those last few days, I had been thinking about just that. About wanting to stop holding onto things and people and letting go and thus allowing life to unfold in a way that I am potentially unable to even imagine at this point. I remember how my mentor once told me about the importance of letting go (I'm sure I wrote about it here at the time). I totally got that letting go of the 'bad' things was important. But the 'good' things? Don't I want to keep those in my life? The slow learner that I am, now, more than 2 years later, I think I am finally grasping what he was trying to teach me. I'll give it a few more years until I am also able to 'live' it...

Other cards she pulled during the sessions further underlined this, also in relation to reminding myself that I am not in charge of anyone else's journey. About forgiveness (towards myself and others), the art of boundaries and courage.

While I don't have a fully formed opinion on this card business, what I do know is that it spoke to me in a big way. Thank you, universe. And Allison :-)

It's a good day

The other day I came across an article about a 21 day challenge: 21 days of not complaining. At all. About anything. Starting with the weather, the job, life, bitching about people.
Yes, it seems impossible really...
But I do like a challenge and I figure that even if I fail (every time you slip up, you start counting at Day 1 again) and never get to Day 21, I believe this will still positively impact on me and those around me.

The logic is of course that every time we complain, our mind is preoccupied with negativity. So, let's see what happens when I continuously try to fill my mind with positive thoughts instead. When I woke up this morning, I told myself that this would be an awesome day! And it is, even after spending 54 minutes on the phone to o2 again. My internet is still not working, but my surfstick is - after it refused to work earlier this morning. Great news, right? :-)

Comment allez-vous?

Looks like I gained some new French readers:
Bonjour et bonne journée à tous.

I'm back!

Thanks to fucking o2, my internet hasn't been working for a week now. I'm back online thanks to a surfstick (which of course I am also paying for). Fingers crossed they will get their act together this week, so it's get sorted.

In other news, I had a lovely weekend with my friend S. What can I say: I do live in a beautiful place. Even if I do forget that occasionally.
Hope to catch you all up shortly.

always

I still receive the daily newsletter from the Tiny Buddha website. And it's always the same: I let them sit in my inbox until eventually I feel like reading one. And then it just hits home. Like this article about Dealing with rejection: it doesn't mean that you are not good enough.
It's something I've been thinking about lately while struggling to build meaningful connections with people around me. And I've mainly been annoying myself with my negative attitude. Towards life and myself. It's strange how I often forget what I have already learned.
And here's another one I liked - also fitting:
One simple word that can change your life
Enjoy :-)