I can be such a drama queen... Not only is this rather unpleasant for my environment, worst of all, once in drama queen mode, I am not even aware myself that I am having one of my moments.
What threw me in yesterday's exercise when I came out with: "I am allowed to be myself."
Immediately, my old script materialized. A constant repeat of my self doubts, of feeling inadequate, not good enough. And yes, these self-doubts still exist sometimes.
But with a bit of reflection and putting that one sentence into the context of that particular exercise, I think I was actually trying to send myself a different message. Which got lost or mixed up in some other noise.
The topic of the exercise was my anger. Getting angry at the little things. With a physical reaction of increased pulse etc. It's an issue that I'm already handling much better than I used to. The question was what the positive intent behind the anger might be. Which I found tricky to get to the bottom to. Until I came up with: "I am allowed to be myself." And instead of really understanding that and taking it on board, I slipped into other mental state and repeated another film in my head.
Cause what I really was telling myself that it is ok to be me WITH all that anger, too. And also the self-doubt. And that I do not have to be good and perfect (not that I ever am perfect anyway... 😉) and nice all the time. Instead of embracing the offer the Rumpelstiltskin - that had meanwhile turned into one of the seven dwarfs - made me, I started doing the exact opposite of beating myself up over being myself.
You've got to laugh really. The solutions I came up with for myself were these two:
- don't take everything - including myself - so seriously
- and do take yourself and your needs seriously
Maybe I should have simply listened to the advice to let all of this sink in over the next 24 hours, rather than dwelling on it, there and then.
Next time...
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