back to the future

What happened so far (Another blast from another past):
After meeting my schoolmate (~22 years), now R (~15 years), I also have a meeting with my friend from primary school (~26 years) lined up. What a year 2016 has been.
My Dad recently had their old films transferred to DVDs. So we went back 36 and more years back. From the first holidays my parents had together to me being born until my 7th birthday.

What can I say?
I was a fat baby, a cute toddler and then had a horrible haircut. And my brother and me looked like twins. Not sure whether girl or boy twins...

And lastly, my old art teacher had gotten in touch. While my darling mother forwards all sorts of unimportant post that still gets sent to theirs, she didn't mention this letter which arrived back in November, announcing that he was selling off his art at bargain prices. Some really beautiful paintings. And more importantly, he now lives in Munich! I got quite excited and contacted him. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for me, he sold all his pieces within just two weeks though. Which really is a pity (for me). But I am hoping to arrange a catch up anyway.

Now I only need to work out what it is I am meant to learn from all these blasts from the past...

wanted: sleep!

5 nights of bad sleep... My old single bed at my parents is just not very comfy.
I am hoping to catch up on a good night's sleep back in my own bed tonight.
Home comforts 💤

done for another year

Christmas has come and gone.
Less stressful than anticipated.
And once again having low expectations paid off  😉

Hell yeah!

I was listening to another of Allison Crow's FB live chats the other day when she quoted somebody else (sorry, I didn't catch the name): "The biggest motherfuckers are the biggest gifters."

I have to admit that until rather recently, I have found this difficult to believe/accept. But am finally seeing that we very often learn and grow the most through the shit we go through. I tended to think that I wanted life to be easy and smelling of fresh cut roses every single day. And I have to say that still holds a certain appeal! Nevertheless, I am now grateful for everything that life has thrown at me (and don't get me wrong: I am fully aware that I have led a privileged life compared to most! So I can't even say I really know what shit looks and feels like!).

Isn't it just so powerful as well to know that we can deal with it all? And we'll come out the other end. So, a huge thank you to all the things and people that have made 2016 a tiny bit more difficult and annoying for me.

Thanks also, of course to all the lovely people and things who have made 2016 into yet another amazing year! I have certainly felt a lot of love and support throughout despite many km in between us. 💕

Not that anyone who knows me needs reminding ...
"Shut the fuck up: I am super nice!" 😎

Laughter, food and swearing

Last night I had a pre-Christmas dinner with my neighbours. Italian food, lots of laughter and a tiny bit of swearing thrown in. They are such darlings and I will sure miss them when they move to the other side of the country in January. But as we all know:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

They significantly contributed to me settling in so easily into life here in Rosenheim and I am indeed very happy to have met them.

I can't feel my toes...

It's f&cking cold. It FEELS f&cking cold when the temperature isn't even that low (well, below 0°, but not much). I was walking into town yesterday and couldn't feel my toes anymore...
Just in time for Christmas, temperatures are said to rise though up to 10° - good times!

sometimes

Sometimes crying is the only thing you want to do.
Knowing that it won't make a difference really.
But the tears are just coming anyway.

*sigh*

I got this pretty fabric on my last trip to London and it took me a while to decide what to sew with it. Eventually I settled on making another version of this shirt-dress (which I haven't yet worn...).

The pattern is easy enough and I nevertheless managed to make my life harder than necessary by trying to rush it... Firstly, the buttonholes are strangely positioned. This had the unintended but useful side effect of making the dress a little tighter though. But I need a safety pin at the top to hold the collar together as a consequence...

I couldn't decided on the sleeve length, so did them twice until I was happy enough. And lastly, I completely over estimated my free hand cutting skills and the length of the dress was all over the place. So, I had to unpick the seam and do it all over again. When will I learn that precision and measuring are really quite important in sewing?!? 😡

Go girl

I love eating out. But while I don't mind going to the cinema or theatre or having a coffee alone, I generally don't enjoy eating out by myself. But after J recommended it, I thought I'd give it a try. Plus I couldn't be asked to cook or go grocery shopping....

So, I went for a Schnitzel at the Bavarian Erlensee. Cheap and massive but unfortunately not the greatest Schnitzel. But it was followed by a walk around the lake. In the freezing cold... And I felt good about having left the house and the exercise (yes, this counts as exercising for me!). 

'Sommertoilette' - does that mean people are invited to piss in the field???
Big isn't always better...
How lovely the trees are mirrored in the lake
And yes, it is THIS rural here!

More Nuremberg impressions

maybe not pretty but certainly some interesting sculptures including The Hare tribute to Dürer and the Ehekarussel fountain by Jürgen Weber, depicting 'scenes of a marriage'...

Neues Museum: a bit on the small side
(I'm beginning to accept that museum here are rarely the size of London museums) but some cool stuff.
I especially liked the wool sculpture (bottom left):
from the messy pile to a colour coded order or the other way round. Who is to know.

Xmas spirit

I'm not a Christmas person. Haven't been since I was a small kid.

In the spirit of being more active in my free time, I had planned a day trip to Innsbruck (other than passing through on the way to Switzerland, I have never been) on Thursday. Instead, V contacted me the night before, saying they were going to Nuremberg and whether I wanted to join. Flexible and spontaneous as I am (😆), I decided to join them.

Frauenkirche at the Hauptmarkt

Köhlerküsse en masse from back home and Schneeballen.
A weird local specialty consisting of dry cookie dough formed into a difficult to eat ball.
And (this one) filled with traces of marzipan.
Honestly: what's the point???

Another blast from another past

When I first moved to Rosenheim last year, I somehow (via LinkedIn, I think) noticed that R, a guy I went to uni with, lived in Munich. I got in touch and we were planning on meeting up. But as life goes, things were busy for him with two small kids and a house he was renovating. So, it took us until yesterday to finally have a reunion. And how nice to recognize each other immediately. Well, of course we have not changed in 15 years! 🙈

And what can I say: it was lovely! He has a lovely wife, and two adorable daughters and we ended up talking until my last train went back to Rosenheim.

After meeting my schoolmate (~22 years), now R (~15 years), I also have a meeting with my friend from primary school (~26 years) lined up. What a year 2016 has been.

the good pain

Now that my lower back is much better (*touch wood*), my neck and shoulder area is super tensed. I believe it is mainly to do with my reluctance to do the admin work that I am currently doing to pay my rent and it is really mainly a matter of my mind rather than my posture. Either way, I felt it was time to treat myself to a massage and I decided to try the Thai massage place in town.

I've only ever had one Thai massage before - and absolutely hated it! It was incredibly painful and I feared the mean lady was going to break my bones in the process... But as I picked a Thai aroma oil massage this time, I had high hopes that the experience would be different.

And it was. Still painful though, but of the good pain variety. The massage therapist confirmed that I was super tense and that she thought the tension was coming from my bum (??!). My shoulders still feel tender from her pressure - no idea how this tiny lady could do all of this - and unfortunately it hasn't had any lasting relief but that was to be expected after just one session, I guess. I shall let her perform her painful magic again on me in the not too distant future!

self-torture

My pilates teacher is great fun! Next week, the eight week beginners course will end and today I've been discussing the various courses they have on offer to decide which one I should/could join. Last time, she had indicated that her Wednesday evening class is more advanced and we should pick an easier class.

But today she actually encouraged me to try it, saying that I was still young (when people say that, I do always wonder how old they think I am...), and that I know my body quite well (not sure why she thinks that, given that she catches me 'cheating' in most exercises...) and that she thinks I'd manage. Unless I prefer a more gentle class. Which of course was exactly the kind of encouragement and challenge I react well to.

So, we'll see how it goes and how long until she makes me cry and crawl back to one of the beginner classes.... (this is where my pride comes in handy, of course)

🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆

unusual matches

Matching my nail colour to my bed sheet.
All very Xmas-y.
(And yes, I do not iron my bedding...)

calm the f&ck down!

I can be such a drama queen... Not only is this rather unpleasant for my environment, worst of all, once in drama queen mode, I am not even aware myself that I am having one of my moments.

What threw me in yesterday's exercise when I came out with: "I am allowed to be myself."
Immediately,  my old script materialized. A constant repeat of my self doubts, of feeling inadequate, not good enough. And yes, these self-doubts still exist sometimes.
But with a bit of reflection and putting that one sentence into the context of that particular exercise, I think I was actually trying to send myself a different message. Which got lost or mixed up in some other noise.

The topic of the exercise was my anger. Getting angry at the little things. With a physical reaction of increased pulse etc. It's an issue that I'm already handling much better than I used to. The question was what the positive intent behind the anger might be. Which I found tricky to get to the bottom to. Until I came up with: "I am allowed to be myself." And instead of really understanding that and taking it on board, I slipped into other mental state and repeated another film in my head.

Cause what I really was telling myself that it is ok to be me WITH all that anger, too. And also the self-doubt. And that I do not have to be good and perfect (not that I ever am perfect anyway... 😉)  and nice all the time. Instead of embracing the offer the Rumpelstiltskin - that had meanwhile turned into one of the seven dwarfs - made me, I started doing the exact opposite of beating myself up over being myself.

You've got to laugh really. The solutions I came up with for myself were these two:
- don't take everything - including myself - so seriously
- and do take yourself and your needs seriously

Maybe I should have simply listened to the advice to let all of this sink in over the next 24 hours, rather than dwelling on it, there and then.
Next time...

paper planes

Expect the unexpected... The final exercise of this weekend's NLP class threw me. Which in turn frustrated me immensely. Rather than seeing the opportunities that frustrations offer, I still have the mental attitude that I want life to be rainbows and unicorns at all times.

I am happy to say though that after a good night's sleep (circling thoughts can be tiring!), as well as some good advice, I feel much better about it all today.

The weekend finished with a lovely little exercise. Everyone had to write their name on a piece of paper and then fold it into a paper plane. Which was then send flying. Over a few rounds, everyone then picked up a plane and wrote something positive about that person on the plane. So, we all ended up with a collection of positive feedback.

Needless to say that accepting positive feedback continues to be one of my issues. Yes, it is pretty amazing how I manage to make everything into an issue... Nonetheless, it was a great idea and maybe - just maybe - I will be able to accept that some of what was written down for me, is indeed part of me.

✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈

playtime!

I only just discovered the new emoji selection for my blog.
Be prepared for even more fun posts!

🙈🙉🙊

💃👯

👀

👊

the meta model

I finally know the official term for what I've naturally been doing for most of my life:
questioning what people are saying.
Language is only ever an approximation of what we are trying to express. More often than not, it is incredibly imprecise.

Such as very obvious generalizations:
(all) men are/women are XX: Really ALL of them?
you never/always do XYZ: Really NEVER/ALWAYS?

And this is just one example of many.
I have the habit - and I am aware that this habit has annoyed people to a greater and less extent over the years - to question this. Simply because I generally try to understand what the person I am talking to is trying to tell me. So while I've made this experience (of annoying people with my questions), it's taken me until this weekend's NLP class to realize that sometimes asking the questions is simply not result oriented.

Round 2

Second NLP Practitioner weekend.
New tools, new people, new realizations, lots of fun. But also exhausting.
And pasta.

yummy

fascinating

I have had an awesome week! And all down to myself. Which means that awesomeness shall be repeated next week. And the week after. Etc.

On Friday, I had brunch with L. Her baby is gorgeous! And seemed as fascinated by me, as I am by him. After he woke from his nap, he sat with us in his high chair and did nothing but look at me. Occasionally smiling. And then just looking.
Curious little baby.

freezing cold

Winter has most definitely arrived. The other day, I feared my face might fall off on the short walk to the supermarket...

The Christmas market is of course happening right now, too. And while I missed them when I lived abroad (with hindsight: I only thought I missed them...), they really do not have much of an appeal for me nowadays, mainly cause they are too crowded. Nonetheless, when I was walking past the other day, I did think it looked rather pretty with all the lights and especially with a pink tinted sky.

psyched!

I am psyched! Simply about life.

I came across this quote the other day:

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is.

Albert Einstein

back in the day

If somebody had told me as a child that one day I would go hiking voluntarily, I would have probably thought of them as insane...

And I have to admit that just seeing the mountains on the horizons is generally enough to make me happy. 

After once more I had to admit that despite having lived here for almost 1.5 years, I have hardly seen any of the 'Alms' (the huts dotted around the mountains that serve lovely, hearty food - and as it turns out are mostly shut during winter), I was determined to change that immediately. Not least as I had also come to the conclusion that I should be using my free time much more extensively.

And to make that first step a little easier, I was lucky enough that C and her daughter (who slept throughout the hike - not bad to be pushed around a pram!) were able to join me at relative short notice. While it was cold, hiking up the hill warmed us up quickly and the sky was a beautiful blue and without a single cloud in sight. And we even got to see some snow.

This week has brought back the active 'me' and it is here to stay!

Pretty, or what?!

well....

It started in back in August with an 'excited' blogpost. It's taken me a while to finish this off.
It's finally done now, and as is the case with unfortunately quite a few of the clothes I sew, I am not sure I like it very much. For once, it actually looks better on the dummy, than on me ...

As you can see, I shortened the coat quite considerably, due to the fact that patterns are clearly made for much taller women. I also changed the button arrangement in the front. Maybe a good ironing would also help improve the look. I shall consider it.

Nonetheless, I am proud to present: my very first coat!
And I am rather proud of the lining which looks pretty cool - if I say so myself (and without giving you photographic evidence...).

bluebonnets

"...

Like bluebonnets in the spring we're only here for a little while

It's beautiful and bittersweet so make the most of every mile

So pack light and love heavy give it all your heart and soul

So in the end you won't regret one thing

Life is like bluebonnets in the spring

..."

laughable

Some of the 'revelations' of this past week:
1) practice what you preach
2) it's never too late to make changes and little steps can be the catalyst to much bigger ones
3) pasta with truffles and chestnuts is really yummy!

Of course it's not exactly ground breaking news that it's far easier to give advice to others than to oneself. It's also powerful though when you realize that you have all the tools and knowledge already to make significant positive changes. And you don't need to wait for the new year for some resolutions. But you can start right now.
Go!
Now!

phone marathon

The other night, I spent about three hours on the phone with a new friend. Somehow it felt 'nostalgic' but when I tried to think back to a time where I spent this long on the phone with anyone, I couldn't actually think of anything/anyone (skype has definitely taken the place of a phone call in my life).

Either way, it was lovely and came just at the 'right' time. As it always does if my impatience didn't make me think otherwise a lot of the time...

zen

Independently from each other, I got told by two people, who I only met very recently, and one of them only very briefly, too, how I radiate calm.
It's a lovely thing to hear even if quite in contrast how I often feel myself. While I certainly learned through my event management job how to stay calm or at least pretend to be calm even in stressful situations, I still feel that I lose my nerves way too easily over very trivial matters.

It's also another example how the way I see myself differs from how I am being perceived at time.
Well, I keep learning.

is this it?

One of my lovely London friends, recommended me to somebody for coaching sessions. So, I had my first session this week. And I really enjoyed it. Not only is R a really lovely person, it again was a great feeling to think that I was able to help her a bit.
I'm still stuck on the question though, whether I would link my own job satisfaction and success to much and unhealthily so with the outcome for the client. Which of course, is not always even clear.

But for now, I am very much enjoying gaining experience and also applying the tools that I have been learning.

Most of all, I am back in that wonderful space, where I know that everything is exactly how it 'should' be. Balance is restored.

double Jake

Not that I already have a vast DVD collection including some still wrapped in cellophane...
But it's Jake Gyllenhaal. Twice!

extra loop

Ok, it wasn't quite as easy...
The car dealer ordered the wrong part. Nobody's fault really, as both parts actually have the same name. Somebody didn't really think that one through...
So, with a another day's delay, off I went to the garage again. To be told that they couldn't fit me in with the MOT (when previously they had said, I could just come along). And then the guy was saying that he thinks the car should now pass the MOT but it would depend on the actual guy checking the car. WHAT?????

Anyhow, I am extremely pleased to say that the car did pass.
Never did I think my/a car would make me so happy indeed :-)

While I was waiting, I had coffee and cake. Just the other day, I thought that I haven't had a Bienenstich in forever. Now I think I know why: either this was a particularly bad one, or I simply don't like them...

Lovingly shoved unto the plate, too... 

experimenting

The grey nail polish is the latest addition to my collection.
Side by side, I'd still pick the pink though...

easy will do

My car is nearly ready to pass the MOT. I only need to replace some plastic bit at the front. I've been trying to find out whether the previous owner still has the part (which she had ordered last year). As that wasn't going anywhere, I now simply called the SEAT place here in Rosenheim and the part will be delivered tomorrow.
And then my lovelies, my car should even get its new MOT sticker before the end of November.
How wonderful.

is it an avocado situation?

Just the other day, I was - once again - feeling the impatience about my current situation. Without a doubt, I do enjoy not working full time and don't feel ready or inclined to find another full time job just yet. But equally, I am sometimes finding it tough to fill all this free time.

This morning during my usual FB check, I came across a link for a webinar that was taking place within 45 minutes of me reading the post about decision making. A topic I have read and attended classes about before. After a: I'll sign up. No, I won't - I have done enough classes. I settled with 'I'll sign up'. And it was an interesting hour for sure.

The two coaches went through five possible scenarios and I feel I am in the last one: it's an avocado situation. The time simply is not yet ripe to make a decision. No pressure from outside or inside will change that. Some things cannot be forced.

Safe in the knowledge that everything is ok the way it is, and I do not have to wait for that moment in the future - whenever it may be - when I reach clarity about what I want to do next - I can still enjoy the present. Taking off the pressure I mostly put on myself.

Not exactly a totally new revelation but exactly what I needed to remind myself off right now.

baby time

With L travelling over the summer and our diaries clashing since then, it took us five months to the day to arrange another meet up. When I last saw her in June, her baby boy was only a few weeks old and mainly slept peacefully (well, he did move quite a bit in his sleep) in my arms. Five months on and he has grown so much! And was wiggling around a lot still. L was saying how he flirts with everyone around him (like in the supermarket) but her. Such a cutie and what a beautiful smile which seemed to come out of nowhere and for no particular reason.

As he became restless quite quickly, we only had a quick coffee together. But always worth the baby cuddles.

it's not me

I tend to reply quickly to messages including work emails. Always have done. Not only out of courtesy but also because a massive inbox would stress me out enormously. As a consequence, I of course have a subconscious expectations that others operate in the same way. The argument being: surely you have a few seconds to reply to me. Even if it's sending a holding note. So, when people/friends don't, I immediately relate it to myself. Cause the only times that I take my time with responding there is always a personal reason. Well, mostly anyway. And despite rationally knowing that people are different and operate differently, I keep falling into the trap of assuming everyone is like me (wishful thinking! ;-)).

And that's one of the things I really appreciate about my friend S. She reminds me in no uncertain terms to re-think my thinking. It's not (necessarily) anything to do with me. If something is important to me, I should simply send another message. Otherwise just accept that everyone has a life they are getting on with and not jump to conclusions about what that might or might not say about my relationship with that person.

It's all good.

double trouble

Yesterday I visited an ex colleague. She has 3 year old twins and a 5 year old. The older one was at kindergarden (they went to the theatre - the benefits of living in a big city!) while the twins were home while we were having brunch.

What can I say? First of all I could not tell them apart. Secondly, they were not big fans of me. I wasn't allowed to help her with her seat belt, not even to open the car door and just got a growling look. Thirdly, I have no idea how my friend does it. She seems to be patience impersonated. The kids slightly flooded their toilet, smeared lots of honey all over a bread roll to then not eat any of it but place the roll on the table, with honey dripping everywhere. The day before, one of them had slipped while running around and hit her head on the sofa table, leaving a little hole on her head.

On the upside, they spent the majority of time playing with each other but quite frankly it made me a little nervous whenever they were out of sight... Apparently the other day, the three of them cooked up a delicious soup, emptying all the spices from the cupboard, mixing them with milk and cream. Yummy and a little expensive.

Most of all though, it was heartwarming to see her interact with her kids in such a loving and caring way. She told me about a friend whose child is severely disabled and needs looking after constantly. And yes, I am sure that puts things into perspective and makes you appreciate being healthy instead of taking it for granted.

have a little faith

Once more it goes to show that really I shouldn't waste my energy and time trying to work out potential issues. As it turns out my car is ready to be picked up already (I was told they'd need until next Friday). One issue still needs to be resolved but I can drive again.
<big sigh of relief>

delicious cookies

A new Vietnamese restaurant opened in Rosenheim. Lovely company (even if the restaurant was otherwise pretty empty), yummy food and so much truth in the fortune cookie! ;-)

it's all about the perspective

The other day somebody told me that I mustn't be so negative. Interestingly, it turned out that the person had felt that I had been negative with regard to her objectives in life (which I hadn't).
When  I mentioned it to somebody else, she said: I can't believe it. You are one of the most positive people I know!

Personally, I think I am somewhere in between. Depending on the matter at hand, as well as my mood. More often than not, I do see myself on the more positive side though. Which is a considerable change from my younger self. I will never forget a round of therapy (a board game) where my question was: How pessimistic do you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10. In the game, you win a point, if your own assessment matches that of the other player, who happened to be my then best friend. And of course we both scored myself a 10...
To which my teacher (it was at a school retreat) said: Why is that? You have no reason to be so pessimistic.

Also an interesting reaction from somebody who knew fuck all about me. One would have thought, she might take this as an opportunity to find out from me what was going in (in private). Instead she went to speak to my maths teacher, who then asked me to stay behind in class one day and asked whether everything was ok. For a very short moment, I did consider confiding in him. But decided not to, and simply said everything was fine. Quite a few times, did I think about that decision and somehow regretted it. But more because I wanted his attention rather than feeling the need to share something with him.

Once the gates had opened, a few years later, I would tell my story to just anyone - whether or not they wanted to listen to it. I wonder what people thought about me back then...

car-less

My car is at the garage now. And likely to stay there for at least a week. Possibly longer depending how long it takes for a part to get delivered. Now, I really don't use my car a lot. But I do need it to get to my Pilates class. I don't like cycling in the dark. Well, I have until next Tuesday to figure it out...

new

As my beloved pair of ankle boots are starting to look a bit tatty, I of course had to buy a new pair. And also cause shopping makes me happy. Not my usual style, I'd say, but I fell in love when I first spotted them online.

the regularity of ups and downs

It's quite comical in a way. After an amazing weekend, my car didn't pass the MOT today and I had another unpleasant (well, I spent most of the time - 45 minutes  -  on hold) with the fuckers (excuse my language...) of o2 customer service. Ending with her hanging up on me after they repeatedly accused me of not cooperating with them on my broken internet. Lovely how the blame gets passed onto the customer.

After about 10 minutes with a pulse of beyond 200, I calmed myself down, safe also in the knowledge that karma will kick Ms Bitchface's ass for sure. In unexpected ways quite possible but nonetheless.

The beauty of life with its ups and downs - lol


PS: On reflection, Ms Bitchface is punished already. She works in a call centre after all...

let the cleaning begin

One of the exercises we did during the NLP course was about establishing steps towards reaching a behavioural goal. Starting 'small', my goal was to clean and tidy my flat more regularly (or at all...). Looking at it from the 'meta-level', it became all very obvious and for once I feel optimistic, that I can actually implement my steps. I appreciate that this is a given for most people and it's not that I am a messy either. But there is a lot of room for improvement...

As part of the exercise, you identify the resources you need to accomplish your goal. You 'anchor' a resource for each step by reminding yourself of an occasion where you already used that resource successfully. What a wonderful way to acknowledge the resources one has!

I shall keep you posted how it goes.

blast from another lifetime

My NLP Practitioner course started this weekend. And it was absolutely amazing. The group is fantastic, learning was fun and fascinating and I learned a lot about myself, too. And left feeling very happy.

But the biggest surprise came when J walked in, who I went to secondary school with. We were in the same class for four years or so, before he went to another school and we didn't have much (anything...) to do with each other. It was so weird to see him (he still looks the same! Well, he didn't have a beard at the age of 10....) after 24 years or so. I have to admit that it threw me at first. Not because of him but because of the memories I have of that time. But we had a lovely chat over dinner and I'm excited that he has reappeared in my life.

What a month November is turning out to be. I am starting to really like 'surrendering' :-)

what can I say

So, my internet is back and to celebrate I skyped A for three hours last night. How I missed that! Skype really is a great invention and while being far away, it's awesome to at least be able to chat.

Otherwise, stuff has been happening but I am not really sure what to write about really. I've been sewing quite a bit again (all that time freed up by not having internet) and am about to finish my first and also second coat. Oh, and most excitingly, I finally unwrapped the overlock machine I got as a present nearly a year ago. And have simply fallen in love with it! Yes, those are things that get me excited :-)

I quit one of my jobs but got a new contract for the other - it all works out naturally, doesn't it?

I've been meeting up with friends which has made me a lot happier and 'balanced' again. Which of course is quite ironic, given that I had decided to 'let go' and re-learn to enjoy my own company again during the month of November. As somebody said to me the other day: I should try to live by what I coach. And he certainly has a point.
I do wonder what happened to me over the last few months. Where did all that negativity come from? And despite being aware of behaving a way I didn't want to, I seemed unable to snap out of my moan-iness.

Whatever the reason may have been, I feel I'm back to my 'normal' self again. Which is great. And part of my learnings of the last few years, is to accept that things might not always be hunky-dory and that it is also ok for me to be in shit mood once in a while.

So, there you go. A random blogpost. I shall try to write about more interesting stuff again soon...

Before and after the overlock-treatment

guarded celebrations

I don't want to jinx this... But after three weeks, I finally received a new router and am back online.
Only to go offline again after a few minutes. Which a simple off and on action resolved though. Please have all fingers crossed, that I am sorted for a while now!

a glimmer of hope

o2 finally called me back! And after having to do a third reset of my router (and failing for the third time), the nice tech guy finally agreed to send me a new router. Cause the good news is, that the telekom connection is working just fine. He was babbling some bullshit when I questioned why it took them three weeks to get to this point but hey.

Please have all your fingers crossed for the router to arrive asap and for it to fix the problem.
Cause then I will also be able to blog about much more interesting stuff again! And thus we all would win.

fuck technology

My internet is still not working. After more than two weeks. 

The things that really stress me out...

the miracle of sleep

I've been having difficulties sleeping through the night for a little while. My hypnose/meditation app that usually sends me to sleep in no time wasn't working either. I couldn't figure out what the issue was but with my current working hours, it didn't really matter all that much.

For the last few days, I've been sleeping really well again. Only that I am also dreaming again and am able to remember my dreams vividly when I wake up, too. Which hadn't been the case recently either. Some of these dreams are just random, others a bit disturbing.

The mind really is an interesting thing.

Cavewoman

After watching Caveman in January, Cavewoman was in town for just one night on Sunday. Without even realizing it, we went for Sushi again - just like last time - awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Unless last time, I found it entertaining enough but not really as funny. I felt that the main male stereotypes she was referring to were really a bit outdated. Men who can't do the shopping without female instructions, who leave all their clothes lying around and who don't know how to pleasure a woman in bed? Sure, it can happen, but (from my little experience) it's not the norm, I'd say. And if those really are the only reasons that conflict arises in relationships, they would be solved relatively easily, no?

Nonetheless, I was happy to be out (in the freezing cold, too...). And also caught up with gossip from my old workplace.

And I will leave you with some insight into small town living: it offers the luxury to park your car however and wherever you want. Safe in the knowledge that police won't be checking on a Sunday evening. Note the irony that the car is right outside a driving school...

Chiemsee the X-th

I don’t think there is anything else left to say. It’s a beautiful place no matter how many times I visit and despite already having a gazillion photos, I always take some more J

See also:
Here
Here
Here

Munich - once more

Since living in Bavaria, I primarily have been to Munich when a) I had visitors or b) I was meeting up with people. Primarily because of the price to get there, I don’t usually bother. I feel that this last tourist tour was my best yet.

First off, we wanted to check out the World’s biggest eye contact experiment 2016, which was taking place on Odeonsplatz. I had come across this on facebook: the organizers aim to bring people closer together and enable a human connection. When we arrived about 10 minutes before it was due to start, it was all a rather sad affair though with basically noone but the organizers there, who were being questioned by police... So, we decided to skip gazing into strangers’ eyes.

After the obligatory visit of the Frauenkirche and taking pics of the devil’s footstep, on we went up St Peter’s to enjoy the views over foggy Munich. I will admit that the lack of an elevator had so far put me off going up the tower. But in the end it didn’t turn out to be as bad as expected. Partly, cause we had to frequently pause to let other people squeeze past us on their way down.

Via a short stroll over the Viktualienmarkt, we then had pork roast at Zwickl. And due to a misunderstanding, S ended having her soup after her main – why not... Next up was the Stadtmuseum (townmuseum), which I couldn’t even find in my guide book but which hosted a photo exhibition S had googled. And the museum was a real jewel. Check out their quirky puppet section!

Afterwards, we checked out the surfers at the Eisbachwelle – something I never get tired of ;-) Followed by a stroll through the Englischer Garten. And all finished off with a train journey back to Rosenheim in the presence of a super drunk and super obnoxious group of middle aged hiking club...

Further proof of my lack of strength (if you can't decipher it: it says housewife...)
I wonder what play these puppets featured in - are there any that take place in a brothel?
And lastly a Miro puppet

the golden era

I am loving autumn this year. The red and golden leaves glistening in the sun and we even had some warm days, too.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the Hechtsee near Kufstein/Austria with friends. And it was just beautiful. And B, my friend's 4 year old son is such a cutie!

next and next

After I did my back in cutting the fabric for my coat, I took a little sewing break. Which ended last week, when I finally completed a dress that only needed to be hemmed.
It's a variation of this one but without the collar and with added lining, which unfortunately means I need to lose weight for it to fit... Alternatively I could try holding my tummy in and never breathe. I'll let you know how that goes!

And since that was completed relatively quickly, I also went ahead with yet a third version of the dress, this time without collar but with sleeves. And no zip. Yes, I am lazy and as the fabric is stretchy, I figured it wasn't needed. And as I didn't take into account the seam allowance included for the insertion of the zip, the dress fits nicely (as opposed to the too tight second version). Don't you just love when things work out this way?

I especially love the straight neckline and V-back

it's official

I have a photo face. Not to be confused with somebody who is photogenic... But it means that I only know how to make ONE face when being photographed. Not a particularly pretty face either. This of course explains why I shall never work as a model :-(

Look around

What a silly and ungrateful b*tch I can sometimes be... After boring literally everyone around me with my constant moaning, I really hope that I can now move on from that. Let’s face it: life is awesome and I am incredibly lucky to have so many awesome human beings in my life. Yes, they are mostly far away but surely that is a small detail that should not distract from the fact that they are still part of my life.

And here are some impressions of Bavaria. The added bonus of having visitors is of course to revisit the beautiful places around me. I think it was my third time up the Wendelstein and I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of the stunning views. For the first time the panorama path was open (it had been snowy the other two times I’ve been up), so I also got to discover different views on the trip. It’s hard to put into words, but there was this strong feeling of being content and wanting to just hug the whole world. As if only happiness was flowing through me.

signs

Through my life coach, I came across Allison Crow. I had only listened to maybe a couple of her sessions on facebook, when yesterday I got an alert on my phone that she was live. Following my instinct, I tuned in. She was pulling cards today. She offered to pull an 'I am' card for anyone listening. Now, not only do I know nothing about cards, nor am I sure I believe in it, nor do I usually participate in these kind of things - I am more of the listener, standing on the sidelines but something made me type in my name in the comment box. And she pulled: 'I am surrender'.

At first, the word had rather negative connotations for me (no wonder, given my control freak tendencies!). But the more I thought about it, the more I thought how fitting it really was. Here's something I found about surrendering:
"...In order to attract what you want, you must give the Universe space to deliver your request. This can only be achieved by getting out of the way so that everything can unfold as it should. It is not your job to 'make' it happen; it is simply your job to allow it to happen."

It's no secret that I have issues with giving up control. And in those last few days, I had been thinking about just that. About wanting to stop holding onto things and people and letting go and thus allowing life to unfold in a way that I am potentially unable to even imagine at this point. I remember how my mentor once told me about the importance of letting go (I'm sure I wrote about it here at the time). I totally got that letting go of the 'bad' things was important. But the 'good' things? Don't I want to keep those in my life? The slow learner that I am, now, more than 2 years later, I think I am finally grasping what he was trying to teach me. I'll give it a few more years until I am also able to 'live' it...

Other cards she pulled during the sessions further underlined this, also in relation to reminding myself that I am not in charge of anyone else's journey. About forgiveness (towards myself and others), the art of boundaries and courage.

While I don't have a fully formed opinion on this card business, what I do know is that it spoke to me in a big way. Thank you, universe. And Allison :-)

It's a good day

The other day I came across an article about a 21 day challenge: 21 days of not complaining. At all. About anything. Starting with the weather, the job, life, bitching about people.
Yes, it seems impossible really...
But I do like a challenge and I figure that even if I fail (every time you slip up, you start counting at Day 1 again) and never get to Day 21, I believe this will still positively impact on me and those around me.

The logic is of course that every time we complain, our mind is preoccupied with negativity. So, let's see what happens when I continuously try to fill my mind with positive thoughts instead. When I woke up this morning, I told myself that this would be an awesome day! And it is, even after spending 54 minutes on the phone to o2 again. My internet is still not working, but my surfstick is - after it refused to work earlier this morning. Great news, right? :-)

Comment allez-vous?

Looks like I gained some new French readers:
Bonjour et bonne journée à tous.

I'm back!

Thanks to fucking o2, my internet hasn't been working for a week now. I'm back online thanks to a surfstick (which of course I am also paying for). Fingers crossed they will get their act together this week, so it's get sorted.

In other news, I had a lovely weekend with my friend S. What can I say: I do live in a beautiful place. Even if I do forget that occasionally.
Hope to catch you all up shortly.

always

I still receive the daily newsletter from the Tiny Buddha website. And it's always the same: I let them sit in my inbox until eventually I feel like reading one. And then it just hits home. Like this article about Dealing with rejection: it doesn't mean that you are not good enough.
It's something I've been thinking about lately while struggling to build meaningful connections with people around me. And I've mainly been annoying myself with my negative attitude. Towards life and myself. It's strange how I often forget what I have already learned.
And here's another one I liked - also fitting:
One simple word that can change your life
Enjoy :-)

black and white

and everything in between.
I'm fascinated by observing my mood. Which can change from one moment to the next. Going from happy-go-lucky and cheerful to melancholic and sad or furious and agitated or all sorts of other things. This is nothing new. But what has changed is how I deal with it. I recognize that my mood will change again. And that I am not stuck in whatever mood I am in.
I feel it makes living life easier.

more of the same

During my recent shopping urge, I went to buy two new pairs of glasses. My current pair is a few years old and as it was pretty cheap, you can see how the plastic is wearing off. As I really like my current model, I decided to go for a similar design, as I HATE picking out glasses. For once I let the shop assistant assist me, and after we couldn't find anything suitable in the women's section, we ventured into the men's section where we even found two pairs. One budget version and one middle priced, and with a discount on the second pair, I went for it.

Here you go:

old on the left and new in the middle and on the right

broadening my horizon

The second movie I watched in the local cinema (after Ryan in action) was a German movie. Not only that, but a Bavarian comedy. Not what I would usually go to see. But, as my co movie goer had said that meeting people with different film tastes helps to broaden your horizon, I felt that I should give it a chance. And what can I say: it was actually funny! And I could even follow the Bavarian dialogues.

 

light and darkness

handy work

Weather was lovely last weekend. Sunday afternoon, I decided to make the most of it and go for a walk. But then came across my neighbour who was changing his car tyres. So, I decided to change mine also, under his supervision. Shortly after I got my driving licence I attended some kind of car maintenance course for women. As part of that course we also learned how to change a tyre. Which really isn't that difficult but without practice, I felt it was safer for my neighbour to check my work.
Getting my hands dirty can really be fun!

classic Eddie

Edward Scissorhands was on telly the other day.
Still a beautifully sad film. And I still love the cheesy snowflakes scene.

win-win

It's become a bit of a tradition that I place a relatively large order at asos. Only to return the majority of items. Which quite frankly is a win-win: I have the enjoyment of a shopping spree without the financial implications (thanks to free returns).

This one I am keeping:

super comfy sweater material. and please ignore my dirty mirror...

offline

Motivated and full of enthusiasm, I got up to start working at 8:30. And then realized that my internet wasn't working. Nor was my phone. I did the usual switching the router off an on again which usually does the trick. Not this time though. I searched for the manual and the instruction CD and of course found neither... Then decided to go for a little walk to my GP to get a referral to the osteopath. Bought cake on the way home. And eventually my patience (and all the swearing) paid off, and the internet was back on again.
Thanks, o2, for nothing.

and then...

About 4.5 years ago, my Mum got her cancer diagnosis. Despite her not going through with the chemo, she was cancer free for a while. Last year, they detected something that indicated that the cancer might be back but further exams would have been needed to confirm the suspicion. My Mum had decided not to have chemo again so decided not to go for the exams as she felt that the outcome would make no difference.

This year, she's been suffering from pain in her leg for a while which kept getting worse. At first, they thought that she might have a spinal issue but it turns out that the cancer is back and has spread. And it cannot be cured anymore.

She's had meetings with the local palliative care team and the lovely doctor told her that she'd be dead by February next year. The pain will get worse and because the tumor is pressing on a nerve near her spine, the pain will be horrific.

Then they finally had the appointment with the oncologist, who says that it is impossible to make a prediction of her remaining life expectancy. Yes, she might be dead within the next months. Or she might survive for a couple of years or even longer.

She started radiotherapy today. Daily for five weeks in the hope that this will shrink the tumor and thus at least delay the expected pain.

We will all die one day. She's 70.
The prospect of her having to endure terrible pain before the end is just horrific.

what a revelation

I've been watching some Graham Norton episodes on youtube and came across one with Justin Timberlake. And suddenly had this revelation that a guy I recently met somehow reminds me of Justin. Not exactly a lookalike (but some similarity there, too) but his mannerism and facial expression remind me of Justin. Cool, right? And a random post.

stripey

They are all rather squeaky which I hope will disappear quickly upon wearing them.Also not sure the Superstars suit me but as I had them all personalized (and how original I was in doing so...), I'll keep them and see whether I can pull them off.

Nacht der blauen Wunder II

Another year has passed. And I'm not sure how I feel about it...
Rosenheim was organizing once again the Nacht der blauen Wunder. Number of venues had increased from 13 to 15. 5 half hour gigs, starting at 8:30pm, finishing at 1am. Contrary to last year, temperatures were very mild.

We listened to some good music, had a nice chat and I only ran into one of my ex colleagues, of course the one I had also bumped into last year. Small world... The audience was overall relatively old - older than me! And in the last bar, some drunken middle aged men were behaving rather annoyingly. Which - together with the crowds in tiny venues and the noise - reminded me why I don't go clubbing anymore...

o

While my tassimo coffee tasted better than instant coffee, the taste didn't really convince me either. As I don't drink a lot of coffee, I didn't do anything about it though. Until I received an offer for a highly discounted Tchibo coffee machine and as I was in money spending mood, I bought it.
And here it is:

No yet convinced of the coffee quality either though... And very disappointed about the tiny amount of coffee you get from each capsule. But it does look pretty in my kitchen.
#whatreallymatters

head in the clouds

While thinking I am super mindful all the time, life of course shows me again and again that that is not the case. Or I am suffering from early onset dementia.
Today, I went on the sunbed again. I leave the place and fortunately within a couple of minutes I notice that I forgot an envelope with tickets that I had just bought at the place. I return to get it. Then, nearly all the way home, I realize that I also forgot my watch there. Lazy me thought of ways of not having to walk back again. So I try to find their phone number (as I have to walk into town again later this afternoon) - but can't find it. The irony is of course, that I nearly took one of their business cards on my way out. But didn't. So, I walked all the way back and the lady had found my watch and put it away for safe keeping.

I really, really should try to be more present.

new skill

I did my first transcription work this week. Not sure I am best suited for this line of work. By the end of it, I was literally screaming at my laptop... (admittedly that is not particularly unusual).

The ahems and ahs were annoying and much worse when the text was dictated in English (understandably). There were a number of words I couldn't decipher even after various repeats. And in English, he kept using certain expressions which hurt my ears. He for example loves to say 'on the one hand'. But instead of following it with 'on the other hand', it is followed by secondly and thirdly. Meaning he confuses 'on the one hand' with 'firstly'. Also a repetitive pattern was the wrong use of the word 'could' - false friends with the German word 'koennte', and it should have mostly been translated with 'was able to'.

And don't get me wrong: I fully appreciate that people make mistakes and on the whole, I was actually very impressed with the level of English. (And yes, I have now pointed the above out to him - so it's not that I am just moaning ;-))

I got myself thinking

I gave another coaching session yesterday. And it got me thinking. We all know the saying that time is a healer. Usually, at the point when someone tells us that things will get better with time (e.g. heartache or mourning), we simply cannot see it. Or we might logically know that it will indeed get better but don't seem to be able to really take it on board and FEEL it.

Thinking of the smaller things in life that upset and annoy us - what if we would really KNOW at that point in time, that we will have forgotten about it all in just a few hours, days etc. Would that help us change our reaction to it? Why does our brain like to blow things out of proportion? Do we all want drama in our lives? Does it make us feel more alive if we feel that there is stuff going on? Do we maybe prefer the big emotions even if they are fear and anger as opposed to not having any emotions? Or emotions just at a simmering level and not the big, all consuming flames?

kick it

One my friend's sons plays football at a football school. So it happened, that I went to watch them play last weekend. U13 or so, playing against Bayern Munich. It seems doubly disappointing to go into the lead and then to lose. Even when you are expected to lose against that particular team.

Also interesting to see how much the parents get into it. And it reminded me of how agitated I get about stuff, that other people from the outside find very strange. Something I will try to recognize more often when it happens. Cause at the end of the day: who gives a shit?
Using that little trick of extending your time horizon: when I look back at this in a week/month/year or a decade: will it still matter? More often than not, the answer will be: NO, not in the slightest.

Bad Aibling football pitch

1 down, 3 up

I seem to have difficulties with maths these days. My beloved red sneakers, which I bought last year in Barcelona are no longer. I only noticed by coincidence that the sole of both shoes had come loose. Such a pity, as they otherwise still looked ok.

As the Glamour Shopping Week was on, I've been spending literally hours on a number of shopping websites. And eventually placed an order with adidas. Replacing one pair with three. And as I was so excited about the option to personalize my trainers, I won't be able to return any of them either.

As per usual, I can go for weeks without buying anything, and then I have times where I feel the urge to spend my money. In addition to the sneakers, I am also waiting for a new coffee machine, 2 perfums,an asos order and I bought two new pairs of glasses. Whatever makes me happy, right?

back and front of the sole at the top

mentoring

I watched Whiplash the other day. The film won 3 Oscars in 2015. It's about a young drummer who goes to an elite music school where he encounters a teacher who has quite a cruel way of drumming knowledge into his students. To be honest, the story line didn't particularly interest me - but how wrong I was. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

Most viewers, I assume, feel that JK Simmons goes completely overboard with his teaching methods. And I would agree. It did remind me of: "Every action has a good intention" though - which is surely the case. He makes himself believe that only this way of cruelty will lead to truly outstanding performance. And I did ask myself whether the student would have achieved what he did, had he not pushed him like that. Secondly, it's of course scary - but also an old story - how the students did not stand up to him. Them against him - but they were all scared of losing their place.

Lastly, while I am not a jazz lover, I have to say that I did even enjoy the music!

inside the bubble

There's no doubt about the fact that I grew up in a middle class bubble. Often, I focused on what made home different and yes, there was a bit of shit I went through, but overall, it was still a bubble. During my visit last weekend, my brother walked me through the area around the central train station in Frankfurt, full of junkies. I knew that they existed somewhere but I had never actually seen them, let alone so many in one place, with a mass of syringes spread around them. Just as much part of life as the more touristy places.

Japanese garden inside the Bethmanpark, city centre

the Main, the Euro and the opera

timing

It's not secret that I can be very indecisive at times. For several years (!) now, I've been looking for a rose-gold watch. Along the way, I changed my mind, and opted for my black Michael Kors watch last autumn. And finally, I found this model from Skagen, which is now mine. I am especially proud that I managed to adjust the strap all by myself - gotta value the little things, too :-)

Die Netzwelt

And another example of my forgetfulness... or maybe rather my inability to remember names, play titles, stories etc. My brother suggested some culture during my weekend at his. Which of course was an excellent idea. The opera that was on, didn't take his fancy though and I googled for plays in Frankfurt. And suggested two, of which he picked one that is called Die Netzwelt by Jennifer Haley. After my brother had booked the tickets, it dawned on me that this might just be the play The Nether, which I saw in London last year. As the German summary was just as vague as the English one had been, I didn't recognize it instantly.

Having said that, I actually thought it was a great experience to see another version. I recall at the time, that one of the reasons I felt particularly uncomfortable was, because I had convinced a friend to come along, who was training as a play therapist and who is a very sensitive person. At first, she hadn't wanted to come for financial reasons, even when I offered to pay for her ticket. I felt absolutely terrible for having talked her into joining us.

It remains an uncomfortable play but somehow I was able to shake the discomfort, as I already knew how the story would evolve. The actors were incredible and we had amazing views from the front row (in a tiny theatre). The child in the play was played by a young adult actress who did a brilliant job at appearing child-like. While the girl in the London play was indeed still a child, which added to my discomfort for sure.

I also loved the staging: the stage was divided into two spaces. The investigation room, which only had a chair in it. And then behind that, an behind glass, was the virtual world. Very cleverly the glass turned into a mirror when the investigation room was used, which meant that you could see yourself as well as the whole audience, prompting that question of: what would I do? How do I relate to what is going on? Becoming more involved than being a mere spectator.

The play in London took place in a bigger space and I was sitting further back, which of course quite literally changes your perspective.

spoilt

My brother is one if not the most generous person I know and he spoilt me with lots of awesome food:

way to much food at moriki

Teppanyaki at kabuki

and in contrast, my brother's fridge
- that's cheese, by the way...